The Law & Order Crew vs the Pickers & Chooser Crew
What it looks and feels like to watch the Immigration Rioters!
Once upon a parking lot outside a Home Depot in the United States of Can’t-Get-Its-Crap-Together, there lived two tribes of law lovers.
First up, the Pick-and-Choosers. These were the folks who waved flags on Tuesdays, screamed “Back the Blue” on Wednesdays, and by Friday were speeding through school zones with expired tags while texting about “freedom.”
They loved laws like they loved chain restaurants. Familiar. Comforting. Selectively enforced. They’d rally behind drug laws like it was the Alamo, but God forbid you ask them to leash their dog in a public park.
Then came the second tribe. The Letter-of-the-Law people. You know the type. If the sign says 25 mph, they’re doing 24. They’ve got copies of the HOA bylaws printed out and laminated. They call 311 like it’s a religious practice. You park a tire on the curb? They’re documenting it like it’s a war crime.
Now, these two groups don’t like each other. Not one bit. The Pick-and-Choosers see the Letter-of-the-Law folks as buzzkills, tattletales, and hall monitors who never got over middle school. Meanwhile, the Letter-of-the-Law crew think the Pick-and-Choosers are the reason the country was circling the drain. Hypocrites wrapped in red, white, and bullshit.
But here’s the kicker.
Both sides claim to love “law and order.” Both scream about “accountability.” And both have zero self-awareness. You have Pick-and-Choosers yelling “my body, my choice” when asked to wear a seatbelt, but going full Puritan about what books should be in school libraries. You have Letter-of-the-Law folks insisting on the full weight of the code being dropped on a guy with a broken taillight, but turning into Buddhist monks when their buddy at the zoning board “accidentally” approved a twenty-story condo next to a preschool.
It is all theater.
One side sees laws as buffet items. The other worships them like sacred texts, unless those texts inconvenience their Saturday plans. Meanwhile, out in the real world, the rest of us? We are stuck in the crossfire. Trying to figure out why a nation with more laws than people still couldn’t figure out how to keep roads paved or kids safe. Turns out, the biggest lawbreakers aren’t the ones skipping court dates. They are the ones sitting in city council chairs, writing laws they didn’t plan to follow, for a public they barely respected. So yeah. The Pick-and-Choosers and the Law Sticklers kept fighting. And the country? Well, it keeps